"Whatever happens around you, don't take it personally. Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves."
-Don Miguel Ruiz
This quote is really close to my heart because it helped me heal and helped me overcome my weakest point: Dealing with criticism. I used to be incredibly sensitive to any form of criticism that was hurdled my way. This was partly due to the fact that as a child, I suffered tremendous amount of bullying, verbal abuse and criticism from family and friends. Whether it was from my parents, siblings, teachers, extended family or people from my then social circle, there would always be some source of criticism aimed at me. I know that anyone who is reading this can relate to me on this point.
I became deeply insecure and even more ultra sensitive to any form of criticism as I grew into an adult and became independent. I would suffer in silence or sometimes cry on my own when the criticism was harsh (from my point of view). Then when I began my spiritual journey, I identified this sensitivity in me towards any form of criticism and I started to search for answers. This is when I stumbled upon the lovely Don Miguel Ruiz and his book "The Four Agreements".
In his book, Ruiz explains that, "Don’t take anything personally. Nothing others say or do is
about you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their
own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t
be the victim of needless suffering." This was a huge light bulb moment for me. I realized that throughout my whole life, the people closest to me like my family, who had said or acted in a way to hurt me, actually did it out of their own mindset and that it had nothing to do with me. Their actions had nothing to do with me! It was an expression of their hurt, their baggage, their ego, their suffering. At this point of realization, it was as if I had immediately become lighter, as if I had let go of all the weight of hurt and resentment that I had carried. All this while, I thought they did it because of me! I thought that something was wrong with me and that's why people were criticizing me.
The next big realization that I had was that whenever I criticized someone around me, I was doing the same. I was simply projecting my hurt, my ego, my excess baggage onto someone else. From that moment, I started to observe every form of criticism that came my way. In fact, I was waiting for someone to criticize me! And when it happened, I would analyze the criticism and would always find that it was truly about the other person. It was about their perception, their opinion, their view point, their life experience projected onto the next person. I also stopped criticizing others using hurtful intentions. These days the only form of criticism I give is constructive. In fact, I would give suggestions rather than criticism. I would also look for constructive points in other people's criticism of me.
You can become immune to criticism. How do I know? Because I did it. And if I can do it, so can you. It is all about perception. Like the last quote that I had discussed, "If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change."I hope you find this helpful. If you do, share it! Help another soul in its journey of realizing itself.
